Teenage son- Father's blog #2

Better communication between father and growing son.

Few things which I learned to do recently with my growing son
1. Listen first then speak. If you listen sense then you may drop the idea of speaking nonsense.
2. Ask rather than tell. Asking allows child to think and come up with a learned response which improves everyday. While telling makes him either a puppet or a rule-breaker, and both are undesirable.
3. While preaching him, if you get an opportunity, suggestions are better than opinions. Suggestion keeps option open for both, especially when dismissed.
4. "Walk the talk" is far superior to "sit and talk". As it's impromptu for both, so it's sans hostility.
5. "Followup to convince" is far better than "convince to follow". Pursuing a suggestion is often successful if it's a genuine one and son's mind is also considering.

Teenage Son- A novice father's blog #1

Teenage Son..A novice father's blog
Opinion 1.

Teens are very uncommunicative with their parents, and fathers are poor in verbal communication. It is therefore not surprising that trying to talk with a teenage boy can be very challenging. There is, however, both art and science involved in successful communication.

Assertion and rejection is a common response by a teenager. Worst outcome is teenagers aversion to parents making the environment hostile for talking about his day to day psychological turmoil, a new entrant in his developing psyche.  Best antidote to this gigantic drift in behavior is developing his receptivity towards you. Telling him to be receptive is a detrimental approach and the beginning of the end. Beware, imposed thoughts and advises shall lead teenager to a fight or a flight. Essentially a father should realise that he has to be a lot good listener than an efficient lecturer. Being a good ear gives him a sense of welcoming environment.

Few good ways of communication can be walk and talk, avoid kneejerk advises, considering absurd looking ideas before rejection and adopting many other ways of communication which leads your ego as an experience father to dismay but can be a big boost to sons confidence. First objective is to make him so comfortable that he starts sharing his weird thinking on which you feel annoyed or laught at . And mind you, the moment you analyse his thinking you find it absurd and distracted, but never forget that his thought is afresh and budding like a plants shoot while yours is a generation old and is like a stiff stem.

Openness to hearing and inciting him to reach to a conclusion based on his own thoughts and theory should be the objective where you act only as a guide is the first goal to achieve. Then there is lot more to come.

Dr Vikesh Agrawal